Losing You Page 3

  “Dump her, you really should. To tell you the truth, I’m surprised you even started going out with her,” she admitted, still smiling a little too big.

  “Well then, who should I go out with? Oh, wise one.” I asked sarcastically, even though I was kind of interested in her opinion. She was always looking out for me.

  “A nice girl, who’s smart and makes you smile,” she answered easily. I went over the popular people I knew but only one name kept popping into my head and it was off limits. “Oh, how’s Mickey? Did you talk to her? She looks amazing. Man, what one summer can do to you! I barely recognize her,” she said trying to antagonize me. June really liked Mickey, my whole family did. Mickey had been one of us and when she stopped coming over and talking to us, they all took it pretty hard. June had been on my case ever since then, asking me at least once a month if I’d spoken to her and she would always get the same answer, no. Until today.

  “Yes,” I said simply, surprising her. She jumped up and looked at me intently through the dark. I guess after almost two years a new answer would be quite the shock.

  “What did you say?” she asked, flailing her hands like she was about to do the doggy paddle.

  “All I said was that she looked good, okay. Nothing else,” I told her frustrated. I just wanted all this Mickey stuff to end. I’d had enough. I’d thought about what happened long enough and I needed to move on and that was hard to do when you were neighbors and when everyone kept bringing it up. I shooed June away, I’d had enough and I didn’t want to hear any more of her questions. The truth was, she didn’t know what happened, no one in my family did, all they knew is what I told them. That we had gotten into a fight, we grew apart and now we were no longer friends. I went to sleep ready for tomorrow, tomorrow would be a new day, a fresh start like June was always saying. I’d ignore Mickey and everything would be fine, or so I hoped.

  I woke up an extra twenty minutes early and coiffed my hair, making it look like I had just got out of bed, the whole concept was whacked but that’s what you had to do to remain popular. So, with my messy bed head and my Abercrombie outfit, I walked to school. The school was only a fifteen-minute walk. I’d walked almost every day since I graduated into high school, the only difference was I didn’t walk with Mickey anymore. I could see her slim figure ahead of me. Wow, does time change some things. I remembered when we were in grade ten, back in the beginning when we were still friends, and we would walk together. We were both chubby and our skin was all pubescent and full of acne and our clothes were all Walmart brand. Well, I guess the way Mickey dressed hadn’t changed much but we had. If someone would have told me that today we wouldn’t be friends, we’d be more like enemies, I would have told them they were off their rocker. We were close in every way then, we brought the words friends to a new level, a whole new definition, which made it so hard for me to hate her, even though she had no trouble hating me.

  Mickey was already sitting in her chair when I entered the class, her pencil in hand and her fuchsia notebook at the corner side of the table. Some things never changed, she was always ready early and always had a notebook in her favorite color, fuchsia. I sat down silently beside her and looked at the teacher. Mrs. Becker was old, she wore small glasses and had blue eyes, her blond hair was greying with age, she looked very European and was short and stout. She kind of reminded me of the Blue Fairy from that Disney movie about the princess who fell asleep. Sleeping Beauty, that’s the one, it was Mickey’s favorite movie when we were eight. She even made me dance with her in the woods near our house like that Prince Phillip. I smiled at the memory of me in my baseball cap and her in her play dress and how we giggled and danced without any music for hours, until June came and found us. We were so silly but we did have fun, I hadn’t had fun in a long time like I did when I was with her. I looked at Mickey who was looking at me weird, I guess it would seem kind of weird to be smiling for no apparent reason, especially when sitting with your sworn enemy. Mrs. Becker continued speaking but Mickey’s eyes and mine remained locked in a stare, it was the longest we had looked at each other, knowing the other one could see since that day.

  “Voltaire,” Mickey answered raising her hand. What was the question? That was another thing, she was good at multitasking.

  “Correct Mike,” Mrs. Becker responded. I noticed a silver hoop with a fuchsia bead on her ear, a helix piercing. When did she get that? She had wanted to get a piercing there since we were thirteen but she was always too scared because that meant they’d have to pierce through the cartilage and Mickey was not good with needles. I had told her I’d hold her hand when she got it done. I felt angry I hadn’t been there when she needed me.

  “James, is something the matter?” Mrs. Becker asked, getting my attention.

  “Uh, oh no,” I said trying to look like I was paying attention. What the hell are we talking about? Mrs. Becker shook her head of all the nonsense and continued where she left off, seventeenth century greatest writers. I tried to pay attention for the rest of class, but Mickey’s new earring kept stealing my attention every so often.

  “Baby, let’s go to the bleachers,” Ali purred at lunch, pulling me away from the table. I followed her as she strutted, shaking her butt too much and trying too hard. I wished she could just be herself for five minutes, whoever that was. Once we were under the bleachers, she practically tackled me, throwing her arms around my neck and clamping her legs around my waist, her five-inch heels digging into my back. I held her with one arm as I tried to move her heels into a not quite so painful place. She licked my chin and held my face. Ali was different than most of girls that was for sure, none of the other girls were as daring as to lick my face and I liked it better that way. I wiped the slobber off with the back of my hand and turned my head to see if anyone was around.

  “Don’t worry, no one comes here at the beginning of lunch.” she whispered into my ear and then stuck her tongue in it. What was with this girl and her tongue? I pulled away disgusted. I bet you would know. Ali had a reputation and let’s say it wasn’t for being prudish. No, it was for being willing, very willing. She begged me a handful of times to do the deed with her but it was always a turn-off. I don’t know what was wrong with me, any guy would accept without a second thought but for me it just didn’t seem right. When I had sex for the first time, I wanted it to be special and with the right person, someone real and not afraid to be whoever they really were, who knew what she wanted and was willing to work to get it, who I trusted to make me feel good. Someone who was loyal and honest and understood me and wanted me for me and not just to be popular. I heard a yelp and something hit the ground beside us. What the hell was that?

  “Oops! Sorry!” said a soft, fragile voice. I looked around and then up and found two unique brown-blue eyes staring straight down at me, now full of disgust. With them were two other pairs of eyes but I paid the rest no attention. Mickey marched down the bleachers and continued walking way, her friends in tow. Ali didn’t seem to care because she continued sucking on my lip. I untangled her feet and painful shoes from around me and reached down to pick up the fuchsia notebook. Mickey’s eyes kept flashing back to me, showing the disgust. I felt embarrassed and angry that her feelings still affected me.

  “Where are you going?” Ali called after me as I ran in the direction Mickey and her friends went.

  “We’re over Ali,” I called back to her.

  “What? Are you breaking up with me?” she asked, her voice shriller than usual in shock.

  “Yeah,” I shouted over my shoulder and kept running. I opened the notebook knowing I shouldn’t, but still I wanted to get in her head, see what she was thinking. Mickey often wrote what she thought or was feeling in her notebooks, it was like part of a diary but in little bits and pieces. There were notes, notes, more notes, and then two little words written in her small elegant script, ‘why hate?’ Is that a note? What is she talking about? Could it be about us, me? I wanted to look through more pages for any more insight and
try to find out further but I’d already caught up with them.

  “Wait,” I said, stepping in front of Emily and Tara. Mickey turned around, her eyes burning holes in mine. “You dropped this,” I said cautiously, holding her notebook out to her. She took it carefully, making sure our hands didn’t meet and then continued walking away. Her friends smiled at me, I guess they didn’t hate me or know why Mickey did, because then they would for sure hate me as well.

  Michaela

  I clutched my notebook to my chest and tried to control my breathing like all those yoga tapes showed. I know I’d seen James make out with some girl hundreds of times but it had never been in private or in some place things could go further and often did. I knew what happened under the bleachers. Did they go there to have sex? Everyone did, but with Ali! James was above that to me still for some reason. James was surely no virgin, so I guess if it wasn’t happening there it would be happening elsewhere, right? Seeing him about to have sex shouldn’t have shocked me because it was normal for him but it did. It made me feel sick to my stomach.

  “What’s wrong with you, Mike?” Tara asked, closing the gap between us.

  “Nothing,” I answered defensively.

  “Then how come you were so mean to James? You could have at least said thank you,” Tara said, making me only angrier. I have a temper, when I’m mad, I get mad and that can go one of two ways, either I get scary silent because I can’t speak or I’ll get loud and shout or scream with all my rage, the later happened unfortunately.

  “Because I hate him! Now would you either shut up and stop talking about James or leave me alone!” I shouted at her and then instantly felt bad. I stopped and looked into her green eyes.

  “We know you hate him, you don’t hide it well. Why do you hate him?” Em asked, unfazed by my outburst. Why! Because of what he said to me and about me behind my back, because he betrayed and lied to me, because I loved him and he broke my heart. Because he was all I had and he took that away and most of all because the truth hurts.

  “I’m sorry,” I said to Tara and then walked away.

  I avoided Tara all gym class which was hard because I really wanted to talk to her and avoid going to my group. We would be playing basketball this month and then some of the next month, which really sucked considering I was only 5’3”, but I was happy to know I was still growing for now. I was quite short compared to all the guys and most of the girls in class. Cody didn’t talk to me much, he whispered stalker and fatty a couple times but besides that he totally ignored me. Derek was nice and would pass me the ball. Sam kept to himself, sometimes he spoke to Cody trying to act cool but failing and Lloyd, he was the same old goofball as ever. Every time I tried to shoot the ball in the net I missed. I really sucked at basketball.

  “You suck at basketball.” Derek laughed at my fifth attempt, echoing my thoughts. I looked at him and smiled, shrugging my shoulders.

  “You betcha,” I said, going for attempt number six. Miss. Derek stepped up and took a shot and got the ball straight through the basket on the first try.

  “You on the team or something?” I asked, feeling slightly jealous.

  “Nope, I just like basketball,” he smiled all toothy.

  “Huh,” I sighed, spotting Tara alone at the end of the court. What happened to Shannon? I wondered. The question was soon answered when I saw her pink shorts run with a ball to a net.

  “What?” Derek asked, dribbling the ball beside me.

  “Oh, it’s just my friend Tara is alone over there,” I said a little dazed.

  “She okay?” he asked, his voice not sounding too worried.

  “I’m going to go check,” I told him, walking towards her with my ball in hand. I dodged the runners and people passing the ball to one another.

  Tara was wearing her sweatpants and our mandatory Horizon High shirt. we were dressed quite alike, except my sweatpants were gray and hers were burgundy. Tara’s green eyes still showed hurt in them when she saw me coming.

  “I’m so sorry Tara. I shouldn’t have shouted at you and gotten angry, it’s just James makes me so mad,” I told her truthfully.

  “I know. You two used to be close, you think I don’t remember? I remember the first day you came to our elementary school and you two were already best friends and that lasted until tenth grade. You guys were best friends for over ten years, I understand that it has got to be hard,” she confided. I didn’t know she remembered. Emily had only moved here last year but Tara and I had grown up together. We only became really close friends last year, when we had a science class together. I looked her up and down, how much else did she remember? But that didn’t matter right now.

  “I’m sorry.” I repeated, still feeling horrible.

  “I know, I forgave you the first time you said it.” She smiled.

  “Then why are you all the way over here?” I asked, confused.

  “I got my period and I forgot tampons.” She blushed, embarrassed. I laughed at her red face, it was almost hiding her freckles.

  “Why didn’t you ask! I have some in my bag.” I smiled as we walked to the locker room. I went back to my group once we were done.

  “Hey, what was wrong?” Derek asked, coming over to me.

  “Oh, nothing. Just girl stuff.” I smiled, trying not to giggle.

  “Ew, girl stuff. Like shoes and shopping? Derek asked.

  “Or like boys and gossip?” Lloyd added.

  “Maybe it was tampons or sales,” Sam said, making me laugh.

  “Is that what you guys think girl stuff is?” I asked laughing, all the guys in my group stood in front of me nodding. I just laughed harder at that.

  “Well you are 95% wrong,” I informed them, at least for me they were.

  “Really?” Lloyd asked surprised.

  “Really.” I nodded. “Mostly it’s our way of being secretive, but when a girl asks, we just say it’s personal,” I confided.

  “So, when a girl tells me it’s girl stuff and I’ll be bored?” Cody asked.

  “She probably just doesn’t want to tell you and is trying to be nice, or she falls into that 5%.” I shrugged. They all stood silent, considering the possibilities.

  “So, were you talking about girl stuff or did you just not want to tell me?” Derek asked grinning now, I smiled mysteriously at him.

  “Now that you’ll just have to wonder.” I smiled turning away and tried to shoot for the net. Score! Yes. One out of seven, not bad. Okay it sucked but I was getting better.

  Mrs. Larson blew the whistle signaling us that we could get changed now. I walked with Tara to the locker room.

  “Thanks again for the…,” Tara said pausing.

  “No problem, you should have come to me sooner,” I told her, rolling my eyes at her.

  “How did Cody behave today?” she asked, changing into a tube top.

  “Okay, a lot better than yesterday,” I told her, gratefully.

  “Good. What are you doing this Friday?” she asked, dressed and ready before me, unlike usual.

  “Friday, nothing why?” I asked curious, she smiled excitedly.

  “Well, I wanted you to sleep over because my room is now officially finished,” she explained happily.

  “Awesome, I’d love to. How’s the room, do you love it?” I asked her. Tara had been working on her room all summer. Her older sister had moved out for college and Tara had taken over the better room and was making it truly hers.

  “I love it!” she said, ecstatic. “The walls are all yellow and happy, it’s perfect.” She smiled enthusiastically. Knowing Tara, it was sure to be as bright and cheerful as she was. I left school a little later than usual because I was planning the ultimate sleepover with Tara and Em and I instantly regretted it, because about ten feet in front of me, walking at his usual slow pace was James. I had become a fast walker, I hadn’t always been one but now that I was it was hard to break. Walking behind James and his slow pace was excruciating for me, I felt like a slug. I think I might have sig
hed a little too loudly because James turned his head and looked behind and then realizing it was me, gave me one of his signature death glares. For some reason I felt embarrassed and my face lit up in heat. I quickly turned down the closest street to me and started walking up it. I felt silly taking a detour that would make the walk an extra fifteen minutes longer, when I could get home twice as fast if I went the way I always did. He doesn’t own the street, I have just as much right to walk here as he does. I hoped he didn’t think I left because of him, that would make me seem so pathetic. Maybe tomorrow I should tell him I had to go somewhere and that’s why I left, not because he intimidated me. No, that would make me look even more pathetic than I already did. I thought about what I would do when I saw James, the whole way home. In the end, I decided I would do nothing, just continue ignoring him like I usually did. Besides, I didn’t care what he thought, he was nothing to me now. I smiled satisfied by my conclusion and started to walk across my lawn when I felt eyes on me. I don’t know how I felt them but when someone is watching you, it’s like you have a sixth sense and you just know. I looked behind me and then to the left, at the Kirk house. James’s house. I saw him sitting on a wicker chair on the front porch, the same porch and chair we used to sit at during the summer and eat grilled cheese and drink pink lemonade. Once I looked at him, he got up and left. Guess I ruined the nice outdoor breeze for him. Good.

  “What took you so long?” Gert asked when I walked in, my hair all windblown.